the quantity parent

Lately I feel like I am the quantity parent while David is the quality parent. I spend nearly every waking moment with the children from before sun-up to well after sun-down. Sometimes I even get to spend time with them (one or the other or even both if I'm really lucky) during the wee hours of the night. The quantity of time I spend with these kiddos is significant. Unfortunately, often the amount of time I spend with them preparing meals for them, feeding them, cleaning up meals, washing dishes, cleaning up their toys, changing diapers, cleaning up messes, washing their clothes, dressing them, bathing them, disciplining them, and on and on and on and on isn't quite quality time. Sometimes it exhausts me to the point where I just don't have the energy to get down on the floor with them and play princesses and live in the moment and be spontaneous and all that wonderful mommy stuff. Sometimes, since I'm the quantity parent, I lose my temper or snap at them or get upset with them. Or I try to get them involved in something so that I can do something else--by myself--that I want to do--just to find one or the other of them tugging on my leg or squealing for my attention.

David is really the quality parent these days. He takes Sarah off to do all sorts of fun things like going to movies, museums, and puppet shows. He watches movies with her at home. He reads her stories much more often than I do. He lays by her at night and talks to her about her day. In fact, Sarah woke me up in the middle of the night a few nights ago and asked me to come in and lay by her. As you can imagine, I was not thrilled to be awake at 2:00 am, but I went in to sleep by her for a little while. As I climbed in bed next to her, she said, "Let's talk about what we did today. That's what Daddy does with me." We chatted for a few minutes and then fell asleep.

I think I could use an energy IV drip. I need to do better, and I'm trying. I'm sure you all know the quote about the little things in life and how, looking back, they were the big things all along. It's hard to remember that when you're right in the thick of things--dishes piled high in the sink, loads of laundry to do, floors to clean, and oh, so tired. It's hard to remember that when I just want to sit by myself on the couch and eat my lunch and read my book for five minutes. I just hope that someday she'll remember the tickle tortures or the stories we read or the sponge fight we had for fun rather than the argument we had over what she could and could not wear or the three times I dragged her to her room today for throwing temper tantrums.

Elder Ballard's talk in conference was so great to hear. I'm printing it out and putting it somewhere prominent in my house. Maybe I'll staple it to my forehead. He quoted the following by Anna Quindlen: "The biggest mistake I made [as a parent] is the one that most of us make. . . . I did not live in the moment enough. This is particularly clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs. There is one picture of [my three children] sitting in the grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swing set on a summer day, ages six, four, and one. And I wish I could remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept that night. I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get on to the next thing: dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less.” (Loud and Clear [2004], 10–11) I found this quote very pertinent to me, especially since hearing it during this talk was probably the third time I have come across this particular quote in various places over the past month. Well, I'm off to live in this moment...